Parenting Myself

April 6, 2014 by GoingPlaces Can-Do Zero Waste 4 Comments

So many people have been trying to help me move through this incident.  The most common thing people have said is “that’s why we have insurance.”  And that is true. She will get the medical care she needs at no cost to herself and the electric scooter will be repaired or replaced.

The concept of insurance is to protect against loss. Without it, the financial burden would be hard to cover, without a doubt.  I have, even in periods of my life when I was stressed financially, always carried insurance.  When I am the responsible party, the LEAST that can be done is cover the costs to try to get things back to where they were before the accident happened.

Many people said, “it was an accident, not something you planned to do.” Well, true. I did not start my day saying “hmmmm, wonder what it would feel like to hit someone with my car today.” But it has been a sort of nightmare concern of mine for years. I always envisioned my brakes failing…something where I was not in full control. Can’t duck this accident that way. But yes, it was an accident.

Other people have suggested that I will learn from this. Very true. More diligence when driving. I long ago put away the cell phone. I turn the radio off when I am in heavy traffic or nearing the last few turns trying to find a new place. I keep distractions down to a minimum.  Yet I know, as you probably do too, there are times when I know I am on “automatic.” I arrive home and wonder how tuned in I was sometimes. This time, though, I know I was alert…and yet I missed seeing her, so obviously I was not alert enough. Something to be more aware.

The best comment one friend made was to ask how I would parent my kids if one of them had had this accident. That was good. That gave me something to build back with.

Because I would not want any of my children to be feeling the way I do.  So what words of wisdom could I share with them to help them?

I think it is good that I am so bothered. It means I consider life to be precious, that I have no right to hurt someone or affect their life in such a negative way.

Have I been free from causing other people pain in my life before this? Not only no, but hell no. I am not going to go into details but I will admit that I enjoy using big words whenever I talk with my older kids’ father.  Okay, that kind of nastiness doesn’t get far from the Goodie Two Shoes standard, but there have been a few other people who have had their lives disrupted because of me. Not happy about it  but I have been able to work  through those situations by recognizing that those people played an equal part in the failure of what happened.

This woman was merely crossing the street….completely innocent…and perhaps that is the thing. Recognizing that other people make their choices and I make my choices and sometimes things will happen that cause them to bump.

Not happy. But yes, an accident. I get it.

It amazes me that so many of the bystanders made a similar comment: “At least you stopped and helped.” So many people run from the consequences of their actions that my staying and admitting responsibility was unusual? That is a pretty sad comment about society.

But before you agree, remember YOU are a member of that society.  And your actions are part of what we consider when we talk about society’s values. Set a good example and perhaps more will follow.

Okay, so I will move up out of this funk I think because of your words and your help and my own basic who I am. Let us all be a bit kinder.