Okay, I know I’m a Bit Weird but…….

I know I march to a different drummer most of the time. I stay pretty busy, even in the past couple of years when I was in a lot of pain needing joint surgeries and eye surgeries. It’s been a long haul and I am pleased at my physical healing.  But I recognize I am not “back” yet

My energy level is not where it had been. Compared to most people, my activity is high and I am involved in so so much. But I am sleeping more. Needing to sleep more. That’s okay. Early to bed and not so early to rise, unless I have to set my alarm. (That is one joy of retirement.)

But I used to wake up, for over sixty years, early, often before dawn, eager for the day. I knew what I needed to do. I had figured out how long it will take me to do each task and what all I can get ticked off the “to do” list.  (You don’t so that? Chalk that up to one of our differences.)

Now, though, I am sluggish. I put off getting out of bed. (one more game of sudoku….is anyone still playing that game besides me?)

But here it is 9:43 on a Saturday morning and I have stripped the bed, run the wash,  made coffee (very important job in this household), grated carrots and got them into the dehydrator, put a bag of cut veggie ends I keep in my freezer into a dutch oven to simmer and make veggie broth (you can do this too!), checked emails, signed a petition, checked to see where the “emergency” protest marches are close by on Monday (Portland and Vancouver), wrote someone to ask her to do something I know she won’t want to do (hi PF!), and now yakking up my latest itch in my head. I think I’m doing okay this morning, eh?

So, I think we have two basic categories for people. Planners and reactors.

Planners are people like me, who understand the tasks that they need to do, basically, their responsibilities. They accepted these responsibilities. They know how to achieve them and they know how long the task will take, all things moving well.  Planners also have contingency plans. They understand that not all things move well all the time Other issues come up that have to be considered and people have needs or wants and sometimes as much as the task is important, it is necessary to put is aside, because, well people.  People win over things.   But everything gets done because there is a plan.

(source: Blue Ridge Tutoring.) I used to plan like this on paper. Now I keep my calendar on my smart phone.

Reactors are people who, to me, seem to come in sometime after the movie has started. They are not there (physically or mentally) to set the stage, plan the action, decide on the actors, let alone direct the action.  These are all decided by others and the reactor is sometimes in a position trying to catch up, figure it all out. Off balance much of the time. Stressed by what they don’t know is coming, but they know something is.  And although there is not as much work product as the planner can get done in the same amount of time, the stress level is high.

Someone recently asked me what I do. I started telling them about Can-Do Real Food and how, in the off season (not much harvesting right now) I’m probably only putting in 30 hours a week. During harvest, between end of June and the end of October, I end up putting in about 50 hours a week.

They said, but you also are involved in Zero Waste McMinnville. Yes, and like the overachiever I have been since I can remember, where I once volunteered to write a blog once a month about garbage and the environment (you’d be surprised how much there is to share how each of us can make some small changes that will have huge effects), I am now in charge of the Facebook page, put together a website, provide marketing dissemination for all Zero Waste McMinnville events, and somehow I also am on the Events committee because i spoke up with a suggestion. (teaches me, eh? probably not…….) And, because of the public response on social media, a team of us are putting together an amazing event that I sure hope becomes an annual success, the McMinnville Recycled Arts Festival.  So all that also takes about 10 hours a week. Or more. Right now, it’s about 20 hours a week just on the arts festival. (Good thing we’re off season at Can-Do so I CAN do.)

source: Mostly Inspirational Chit-Chat

So, I am busy staying busy and I recognize that I have not been outside to check out how the apple tree was trimmed by the contractor. I have not gone out to trim my raspberry canes, I have not straightened up spaces that are mine (my office and my storeroom) that got really messy over the past year because of my pain and inability to move easily. I have stuff to do……..and that problem with my energy keeps me in my desk chair in front of my computer……..

I’d ask for someone to help remind me to get my butt in gear but everyone else I know has their own level of busy and certainly won’t eagerly take on a task to manage me. LOL I also suspect that a few of the people offering to “help” may have some ulterior agenda. (Beth will do it…..)

So, yes, I am wired differently than most people. I admit it.  If you want to increase your energy level (you do not have to go as nutso as me) maybe the suggestions in this article can help you.  I get at least 8 hours of sleep a night, drink 3-4 tall glasses of water daily, try to cook whole foods to avoid additives that might affect my body (like artificial sweeteners and preservatives), keep my mind-altering recreational enjoyment to end of the day (when I am finished with my responsibilities), and pay attention to my body when it reports it needs attention (yes, we go to the pool exercise class AKA “geezer aerobics” 3 hours a week).

Source: Freepik

One area where I have not been a success is the financial world. But I certainly know I am not alone there. We are “paycheck to paycheck” like most people and yet, I also count my blessings. And we have many. So while there are stressors, there is no reason to be stressed out. The choice is mine. And so it goes….

 

 

Advertisement

What About You?

I’m going to be 62 years old this year. I don’t feel old, most of the time anyway, but I know that I am on the downhill slide now. For anyone around my age, do you remember the TV show One Day At A Time?  The mom, played by actress Bonnie Franklin, goes off for a quiet moment when her daughters have thrown her a birthday party. She looks in the mirror trying to cope. “Middle aged now”, she moans. She was turning 35.

So, here I am pondering my “retirement”. Those of you who know me or have been reading this blog for a while know I started a new business last summer and I am really excited about it. Can-Do Real Food  captures the surplus produce from small farms nearby and preserves the fruit or veggies by canning. Local consumers are responding well and some of the farmers have completely sold out and I am conserving some in order to start the outdoor market in May.

So, I am working, but golly gee, I really am not, as most new businesses, making gobs of money.  Any income I generate goes right back into the business so we can grow. That’s the way it is, because I certainly am not independently wealthy.  So, realistically, we are living on my husband’s retirement and the income he produces as an adjunct professor at a nearby university teaching two courses a year.

I got to thinking about living on retirement income, since it is time for me to make a decision about my Social Security. Some of the Presidential candidates are declaring doom and gloom about the Social Security System. They like to use buzzwords to scare people, like Ponzi Scheme and delayed retirement age. In reality, people my age have nothing to worry about. We will get 100% of the benefits we have accrued through our many many many many many (many) years of working.  Also in reality there are ways to improve the way the funds are secure so no one has to worry much.

But there is one other reality that needs attention. Social security does not provide ENOUGH to live on.  Oh, if your income was higher than mine all your working life, your payout will be higher. It just won’t be anything like the amount you have gotten used to if you typically spent all you earned.

I’ve been hearing for at least 40 years that each person needs their own retirement account as well as social security. That was the reason why IRAs were introduced in the 1970s. But people are NOT saving. Very few people near retirement age have managed to save more than $50,000 in retirement assets.

So, we have a problem. We have Baby Boomers, the largest age cohort ever born in the US, in or approaching retirement. Some are living in homes purchased during their earning years but many are renters and some are even homeless. The proliferation of RV parks and pre-fab home construction all across the country point to the need for less expensive housing.

So how do older people manage?  Many need public assistance. Some live with family and combine incomes. Some even move overseas where a monthly social security check can adequately provide for rent, utilities, food and a few other items, especially in a country where medical care is available and comparatively inexpensive. However, this move also results in isolation from family and funds might not extend to provide for visits back here to the US.

So,  in comparison, my husband and I are okay. We’re still able to work and we’re doing things we love. Our energy is pretty good and we just take it slower on those other days. We have access to decent health care and we do as much a preventative lifestyle as we couch potatoes can.  But we are not living the way we did when we had income flowing in from jobs. We have learned to cut back and be okay with less. 

Now, you people in your 20s and 30s and 40s, it is time you check on YOUR retirement savings plan. You can not rely on Social Security the way the government is playing with it to fund wars. You will need to provide for your golden years. If you haven’t started, start. And talk to a good professional, or even meet with a few to find someone who can explain all those acronyms to you and will be patient and caring to help you get to a secure end zone phase of life.

Hospice Care

When you are told it is time for hospice, it usually is not a surprise. Yes, it can be disturbing but if it is a surprise, you have been deluding yourself.  Head in the sand, you think things can’t be as bad as people are telling you. You are not ready for the changes that will happen and, since you refuse to get ready for the changes,  you are in denial.

I’ve been there. Knowing the inevitable ending; just not knowing the “when” of it.

This past weekend I attended a wedding where I knew few people but I enjoyed chatting with everyone. Including one guy who has had my head working through what he said to me. I’ve  been trying to find the words that will make you feel it the same way I did.  And there is no sugar coating, so here it is:

THE EARTH IS IN HOSPICE AND WE STILL ACT LIKE WE DON’T KNOW.

Actually, I know many of us understand the earth is in trouble, but hospice? Wow. Going to die. Nothing we can do but keep it comfortable?

Let’s look at some of the issues: bees dying off, rain forests being cleared, chemicals in our food, huge piles of plastic trash floating in the oceans, animals being killed into extinction for one body part, fracking causing pollution drillers deny, increased earth tremors and quakes, areas which used to provide a wildlife refuge and hiking enjoyment covered with invasive species which restrict movement. So much more.

And people? What is happening to their sense of compassion? A man being arrested for feeding the hungry, homeless tent cities being cleared and people told to move on as if their action to live outside is a choice, racial tensions raised to levels not seen since the 1960s, belief divides even within the same religion, people buying guns for personal protection, anger anger anger as the first response to something not going immediately your way, inability to stay calm to explain your point of view, placing blame on someone else for your inability to get out of a situation that is your doing. And more, So much more.

 So, what does this mean to us? Well, I suspect the same people who have not wanted to consider careful stewardship will not recognize there is a problem now. The people who make decisions to continuing using the resources of the earth the same way in order to make profits, to make life comfortable, to just keep on keeping on, will not recognize there is a problem now.

The rest of us fall into two camps I think. One is disturbed, understandably so. They recognize the problems but do not want to think the timing is OUR lifetime. They do not want to think it is their children’s or grandchildren’s lifetime. That is too scary. So, they will make small changes and voice their support, but basically keep on keeping on.

The small minority are trying to do one of two things or a combination. They are working tirelessly to try try try to get us to understand that only by a massive change in behavior can be maybe slow the tide. They also are preparing how to weather the coming difficulties.

When? No idea. A lot of scientists have been telling us the time is short.  What do you plan to do to prepare for hospice?

Celebration of Life

My youngest, Sam, is now 20. Wow…where did the time go?  He was born when I was 40 and no, he was not an “accident”. Mature but still active hormone production was partly the cause for a  two-year effort but I also miscarried (1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage and I fit that statistic) and he actually was conceived one month after the D&C. I suggested to my OB-GYN that perhaps older women have more “gunk” (no, not a medical term) inside and maybe zygotes have more trouble attaching to the uterine wall. She thought it an interesting concept and was planning to review the literature.

Anyway, life with a baby and toddler and young munchkin can be full of excitement but when Sam’s dad, Dave,  was diagnosed with brain cancer before Sam’s 2nd birthday, that additional factor added a new dimension.  Dave swore to my mom he would live long enough so the baby would remember him. And he told me to keep life as “normal” as possible, so there was Cub Scouts, and family trips, and singing with the Nashville Boy Choir, and so much more.

Flight attendants borrowed the kids’ Disney hats to present the safety talk-said it was the first time everyone actually was watching,

What was a 3-5 year life expectancy crashed 10 years later.  Dave died in his sleep the night after Sam’s 11th birthday. My daughter Lisa demonstrated some wisdom telling Sam how my father had died the day after her 14th birthday.  She said she believed he had waited until she was old enough to understand it was his time to go and while she would miss him, she would carry him in her heart forever. While Sam did not find complete solace in her words, they struck a chord and helped.

A year later my mom’s struggle with post-surgery complications ended three days after Sam’s birthday. (Doctor, the surgery was a success but the patient died.) And a year after that, two days before Sam’s birthday, Dave’s older brother also ended his fight against cancer. 

This one week in October is powerful. At the time of Dave’s death I was very careful to help Sam see that his birthday was not ruined at all.  In fact, the timing  helps us remember and memorialize these special people. We light a yahrzeit candle and spend a few minutes sharing memories….celebrating life in its best continued form.

We chose this pathway instead of focusing on the pain of the losses. After all, in many ways, they are still with us.

Place and Time to Think

With all the noise of modern life, there are few times during the day when things quiet down. Those moments are the opportunities for the mind to wander and creativity to bloom.

Whether it is in the shower or while working at the farm in my temp job, I have been fortunate to have a mind that flows easily. Sometimes it is about my family and what each is doing. Sometimes it is about my own involvement with a project. Sometimes it is a concept that gets pretty philosophical, like realizing there are about a gazillion people also taking showers right at that moment. Wondering what their days will be like. Makes me feel like a speck here on earth.

Overall, I recognize that I am a speck. But since I have some sense of right and wrong, some ability to think through issues, and some concept of how to put words together, I can take the opportunity to move (some of ) my thoughts into words to share.

Put some quiet time into your life…..let your mind roam and note where it goes. Hopefully you will find it a helpful exercise.

 

Time Travels

Something weird is happening to me. I look at the clock, like right now at 7:48 a.m. and think: it’s coming up on 11 in the morning on the East Coast.   Last night I wanted to call someone at 8p.m. and had to remind myself that they might already be in bed, asleep.

Except for the years in Tennessee and six months in Colorado, I have lived my entire life in the Eastern Time Zone. This awareness of the time difference is not new to me, of course, but its in my face presence is. 

This may have grown into a concept that being on the East Coast meant I was one of the first in the U.S. to wake, to get moving, to fill my day. Now that I am on the West Coast, it seems I am “late”.

I have always liked to be not only “on time” for an event or an appointment, but perhaps 5 minutes early. In college I ran late  once and preferred to skip class than walk in 10 minutes late. (Not a wise choice, Sam.) Being late, or having to wait because someone is late, is one of my pet peeves.  Having a smart phone to fill time while I have to wait helps, and I used to carry a book with me before.

What is the value of time?  What value do you put on your time? At what level are you aware of the activities of people around the globe based on time zones? Anyone else or is this just one more of my idiosyncrasies?

Sleep Patterns

McMinnville, Oregon, September 12, 2013. 3:30 a.m.

I’ve always been an early bird, but this is ridiculous! As we travelled west and started changing time zones, my body STILL woke at 6am Eastern Time.  I slept once to 7:30 local time and believed I had transitioned but no, that was only a fluke.

Waking up early before anyone else is stirring gives me time to take care of my own stuff. I think the irritant right now is I am still in borrowed space and can’t do the tasks I all too well know await me (unpacking, unpacking, unpacking).  But I am catching awesome sunrises.

Hurry Up and Wait

“Time sometimes flies like a bird, sometimes crawls like a snail; but a man is happiest when he does not even notice whether it passes swiftly or slowly.”

Ivan Turgenev

Remember how time moved differently when you were a child? The eager anticipation for a birthday, Christmas, a special trip or some event made time draaaaaggggg so slowly that it seemed it would never come.

And as you became older, time seemed to speed up.  Right? All of a sudden it is back to school and Christmas is around the corner. And tomorrow we will be here again but it will be 2014 instead. Or so it seems.

Right now time is dragging again for me. We anticipated leaving Huntington this past Friday and now it will be next Saturday. The moving company had trouble finding a truck going the right way with the right amount of space, and so, we wait. 

Map is not quite right. Oregon is much further north on the Left Coast…maybe that is why the truck was delayed…..

I have started making a joke that there is one truck that drives from east to west, and then returns west to east, and they didn’t have room for us last week. So, after they return to the east coast this week, they will stop here on Friday. Only a joke people, there are more than one truck. Maybe two or three. 🙂

This move has been a series of “hurry up and wait.” First we decluttered the house over last winter in order to make it look more roomy for prospective buyers. Then we put it on the market and had to wait for that buyer who saw our house as theirs…and understand that we needed to let go of the emotional attachment to that structure. Then we had to wait…and wait…and wait…for the closing. And now, the moving truck.

This past birthday I turned 59 and mentioned to my youngest that I had perhaps fifteen years left. He immediately scolded me for saying I was dying but I pointed out no, I was merely recognizing that my productive years with good energy and adequate health was getting limited. I have a lot I still want to do so I better get going and use my time wisely.

Yes, we have rocking chairs for the porch…..and we occasionally sit there with glasses of wine at the end of the day reviewing what has been and what will be. That is a nice slow down.  Can’t wait to position them on my new porch and enjoy that view.