Leadership Challenge

You ever put together one of those bookcases you buy in box or piece of IKEA furniture? You know how the instructions sometimes do not seem to be in English?  I can only wonder, when I have that experience, if the instruction writer was so used to the assembly process that forgetting a step or two was easy.

Overall, I am pretty impressed with the State of Oregon. In the almost two years I have lived here I have found most people are friendly and helpful.

I even have been impressed by DMV, which any American who drives knows is an agency that seems to be designed to stay just barely within the Geneva Convention guidelines for torture. In West Virginia, for example, it was pretty typical to wait an hour only to be told that I did not have the right information.  Here, we were able to register a car that was 3000 miles away. Not only did they understand the situation, they even had a form and system in place. I definitely felt we were moving to a place where information was shared, and shared in a way that was easy to understand.

However, I hit a spot where the published information for my new business endeavor is not quite “full”. To become a state licensed processor I read I needed to call the Health Department person in charge of my county. I read that the kitchen needs to be inspected and I should call 2 weeks before I expect to start processing. I also read that the state does not prorate the $450 annual license which runs from July 1-June 30, so I figured I would wait until June 15 to call.

I also read that I need to have each recipe I plan to process reviewed by a state licensed lab for Ph, water activity and Brix. Then and only then do I need to send another sample and the written recipe to another lab, run by Oregon State University, for approval. They are the licensing agency, so their approval is tantamount. But no where, in anything I read, did it say that the lab test  must be done before the Health Department is called and the license application begins.

So, the Health Department person responded to my phone call today and I need to do things in a different order than what I read. Okay, not a biggie…just a tad annoying. She will not give me a list of approved labs. Okay. I can find some on Google.

I need to convert my recipes into weight measurements in grams, not in cups or teaspoons.  Okay.

She’ll be happy to meet with me.  Great. 

I want to get rolling and this will take another few weeks. Okay. Once I am up and running I will be up and running so in the scheme of things, this is NOT a big deal. Just need to remember to breathe……

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So Long Ago and Moreso Today

After I published this a friend told me I was too oblique, so let me explain simply why I told this story today. Today, we have a lot of people who seem to be pretty darn angry about almost everything. They blame the dissatisfaction in their lives on others and that is confirmed by their favorite talking head telling them that they are being mistreated. It is time for you all to wake up. There is no one more responsible for your own pathway, your own circumstances, than you. The choices you make or the choices you fail to make, have consequences. Those are not my fault, nor the single mom down your street, nor the man who is our President. You want change, work for it.

And now, back to my original post…..

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So long ago I had an inkling that my marriage to my then boyfriend would not work out; that we had a fundamental difference that would prove to be a problem.  I asked him what his goal was in life. We were pretty young (compared to now for sure) but in our mid 20s, so had had some adulthood experience. He told me he didn’t know. He had never thought about it.

That was not the problem.

A minute later he was excited…he knew what it was. He wanted to be rich!  I laughed. He scowled.

I asked him how much would make him feel rich. He didn’t know. A million? No. Two million? No, not enough. I asked him if he had a plan to get to this unknown number and he looked at me as if I was speaking a foreign language. (To him, the concept of earning your goal was an idea that WAS foreign. He just expected it to happen.)

Then he turned to me and asked me what my goal in life was. I told him I wanted to be happy. He laughed . I scowled.

He told me no one is ever happy. They always want more.

And THAT was the fundamental difference.

Two ways to look at life. He needed something…an unknown and no plan how to achieve it….that was outside himself to provide his goal.

I needed something inside me that would tell me I had enough and it was good.

So long ago, and yet this seems to be more so today. So many people are living in the moment, wanting more and no idea of how to get it. They want for themselves and there is not much space for anyone else.  Their partner and their kids are not as important as their feeling that life is just not right, it is unfair, there is more they deserve. And so, unhappiness and another generation who is not taught life skills.

By the way, although that marriage ended in divorce, I have two wonderful children who are priceless to my happiness. I would go through it all again just to share my life with those two fine people.

You’re Going To Die

Funny things happen when mortality hits me in the face. The last time, about 12 years ago, I was so sick with meningitis I didn’t even think about it until I was better. This time I have “something” wrong and the docs are trying to figure it out.

Am I gong to die? Probably not today. But yup, will sometime.

As will you.

So many people are AFRAID of dying. Other than I want to stick around to watch my kids mature and I have a few more things to do, I’m not afraid. Whatever your belief system, if you have faith in a religion, you have been told what the pathway is at the end of this life. So why be afraid? 

The funny part is that some people think that just because they have a faith inspired belief in what happens upon death they don’t understand that that is not the common concept.  One very well intentioned 14-year-old once told me he was particularly worried about me because I am Jewish and have not accepted Christ as my Savior.  Because of that, he warned me, I would be going straight to Hell.  When I told him that Hell is a Christian construct and I was a bit concerned about any religion like his that had to use a stick like that to try to get their members to comply, he was confused.

So what do you expect? Is it scary? Why?

Me? I’m just going to try to keep on keeping on until my time arrives. My belief system is that good deeds done here and now is the way to live. What good is a promise of heaven if you never helped others lives here to be better? And so….onward.to the next adventure.

Serendipity

Not once did I consider it an April Fools joke but we have no idea how the photo showed up on Graham’s Facebook feed last night.  Kentucky State University has a mobile fruit and vegetable processing truck that visits farms in season to help them preserve their harvest.

Finding no info to take me specifically to the person in charge, I emailed the head of the agricultural school at KSU, dropping The Wild Ramp market experience to give me local “street” cred (more like farm cred).  And now we are setting up an appointment for me to go look-see!

Why the excitement? Two factors. In case you missed it, I am setting up a business here in Oregon to help small farmers preserve their surplus fruits and vegetables. AND we will be in Kentucky for Graham to do some forensic business in May, less than an hour from where the KSU research farm is located in Frankfurt!!

WOW! Life is good!  Now, who can I get to help me write a grant application?

 

Turmoil

I’ve been very busy with a project and have not had time to write, but my mind has been whirling with trying to figure out something. How much of the turmoil I have been living through is related solely to the people involved OR is their lack of clear communication and unwillingness to respond to my efforts to clarify issues a sign of a greater problem throughout American society?

First of all, I have learned that before I accept a project I MUST get the expectations of the group wanting my help IN WRITING. Anything less and there is too much left to vagaries.

Secondly, I have learned that before I accept a project a timetable must be agreed upon by all. That way, if inaction by parties other than me cause a delay, I have a document, with their signature, to show they fell out of compliance with the agreement. 

Thirdly, I have learned that any time anyone keeps saying how much they appreciate my “passion” and my “energy” they are preparing to ask more of me that first discussed.

There are always consequences for not working together well, for not explaining fully, for not being willing to participate. The boom is about to fall. 

Success Is Not a Straight Line

Years ago, when I was young and considerably more foolish than I am now, I asked a man what his goal in life was.  He told me he wanted to be rich. He could not define what amount of money would make him feel rich nor could he tell me any plan he had to achieve that vague concept. I asked him how he expected to get there and he actually felt it would just happen. The stars would align or something. Maybe his good looks.   So, 30 years later, he still is not “rich” and he is very angry with the way his life has turned out. 

Most people never have a plan. They may have a vague idea…someday I want to drive a nice car. They have no concept of actually how to achieve that; how to save money or how to even get a job if they don’t have one.

Some people do have plans. And they research them carefully.  And they implement them cautiously. And something happens unexpected which requires them to reassess the situation.

When each of us makes a decision…..or when we fail to make a decision…..we set forward on a pathway that will have consequences.  Some will be pleasant and some may be unpleasant.

The only way to move back to the pathway of the original goal is to admit responsibility and make a new plan.  Nothing, no hoped for Fairy Godmother, will magically fix the situation.

By the way, that character at the beginning….he asked me what my life goal was and I responded I wanted to be happy. He thought my goal was also unachievable.  I respectfully disagree.  Being happy is not a continuous state of elation. For me, it is an attitude about the challenges ahead of me, the people surrounding me, and the analysis of my pathway that brought me to this here and now. Only with all components can I look forward to the adventure each new dawn brings.

 

 

Hospice Care

When you are told it is time for hospice, it usually is not a surprise. Yes, it can be disturbing but if it is a surprise, you have been deluding yourself.  Head in the sand, you think things can’t be as bad as people are telling you. You are not ready for the changes that will happen and, since you refuse to get ready for the changes,  you are in denial.

I’ve been there. Knowing the inevitable ending; just not knowing the “when” of it.

This past weekend I attended a wedding where I knew few people but I enjoyed chatting with everyone. Including one guy who has had my head working through what he said to me. I’ve  been trying to find the words that will make you feel it the same way I did.  And there is no sugar coating, so here it is:

THE EARTH IS IN HOSPICE AND WE STILL ACT LIKE WE DON’T KNOW.

Actually, I know many of us understand the earth is in trouble, but hospice? Wow. Going to die. Nothing we can do but keep it comfortable?

Let’s look at some of the issues: bees dying off, rain forests being cleared, chemicals in our food, huge piles of plastic trash floating in the oceans, animals being killed into extinction for one body part, fracking causing pollution drillers deny, increased earth tremors and quakes, areas which used to provide a wildlife refuge and hiking enjoyment covered with invasive species which restrict movement. So much more.

And people? What is happening to their sense of compassion? A man being arrested for feeding the hungry, homeless tent cities being cleared and people told to move on as if their action to live outside is a choice, racial tensions raised to levels not seen since the 1960s, belief divides even within the same religion, people buying guns for personal protection, anger anger anger as the first response to something not going immediately your way, inability to stay calm to explain your point of view, placing blame on someone else for your inability to get out of a situation that is your doing. And more, So much more.

 So, what does this mean to us? Well, I suspect the same people who have not wanted to consider careful stewardship will not recognize there is a problem now. The people who make decisions to continuing using the resources of the earth the same way in order to make profits, to make life comfortable, to just keep on keeping on, will not recognize there is a problem now.

The rest of us fall into two camps I think. One is disturbed, understandably so. They recognize the problems but do not want to think the timing is OUR lifetime. They do not want to think it is their children’s or grandchildren’s lifetime. That is too scary. So, they will make small changes and voice their support, but basically keep on keeping on.

The small minority are trying to do one of two things or a combination. They are working tirelessly to try try try to get us to understand that only by a massive change in behavior can be maybe slow the tide. They also are preparing how to weather the coming difficulties.

When? No idea. A lot of scientists have been telling us the time is short.  What do you plan to do to prepare for hospice?

The Next Stage

Death. So final. At least from this perspective.

Why are so many people afraid of dying?

Judaism does not particularly get into an Afterlife, so it leaves it open to personal interpretation. The strong message is to do good deeds while living. In fact, there are 613 mitzvot that are required by texts in the Torah. That is the Old Testament for you Christians, so if you are really good Bible thumpers (literal followers, take heed) these are for you, too. Death may simply be a cessation of life, or there may be a Heaven, or there may be a rebirth.

Christianity, on the other hand, promises you Everlasting Life.  There is some teaching that good deeds are not important but there is also a bunch of good deeds that are needed to be done by a good Christian and even an admonition that without good deeds, faith is dead.  However, for the believer, death should not be feared.

The promise of eternal life refers to the soul and that is a commonality in most religions as well as New Age concepts.  Other religions also have concepts of reward or rebirth. Basically….this stage where we are now is only that, a stage…a short visit in the continuing growth of our soul.

So, back to the basic question. Why are people so afraid of dying?

A huge change. Not knowing what will happen. Not knowing how it will feel. Sort of like me moving from West Virginia to Oregon…..well, almost Heaven to a beautiful place.

I subscribe to a daily email that is a very positive word from The Universe and want to share today’s email with you:

The top 10 things dead people want to tell living people are: 1. They’re not dead. 2. They’re sorry for any pain they caused. 3. There’s no such thing as a devil or hell. 4. They were ready to go when they went. 5. You’re not ready. 6. They finally understand what they were missing. 7. Nothing can prepare you for the beauty of the moment you arrive. 8. Don’t try to understand this now, but life is exceedingly fair. 9. Your pets are as crazy, brilliant and loving, here, as they were there. 10. Life really is all about love, but not just loving those who love you… They also wanted you to know that they really do show up as orbs in some of your photos,  but so does water. Quite a talkative bunch.

Interesting to consider.

Passages

A couple of my friends lost a parent in the last week. As my peers age, it is a normal part of life to face the illness and care of aging parents and their inevitable final passage.

With losing a husband to brain cancer after a ten year battle, I have had some experience to be able to offer a few words of what worked for me. Perhaps it might for you.

Be a realist

•  Try to understand the cause of the illness. If you are reading this, you have access to the Internet and there are countless websites that can provide explanations that you probably can understand.  Do some reading in order to ask the doctors good questions.  Not knowing causes more stress than you need.
• Fight (yes FIGHT) for good follow-up care, whether it is physical therapy or a home health aide.  Do not accept a guilt trip from anyone that you should be able to provide all care.  Even if you are a trained nurse, you are not able to be on the job 24/7.
• Understand when things start to slide downhill that at some time, death will occur.  Trying to ignore it won’t make it not happen. Nothing you did or didn’t do caused that. The body gets awfully tired of the pain, the inability to take proper nutrition, the confusion. Recognize that this is not about what you are going to be losing, but making the time the best goodbye you can.

Be prepared

•  Doctors have a tendency to refer the patient to hospice very close to the end. This is a horrible disservice not only to the ill loved one but to you. I guess the doctors think it mean admitting failure, but being realistic about the illness and the probably outcome will enable you to persuade for earlier admission. Hospice is a wonderful helpful system set up to care for the ill person in their own home or perhaps in a residence. They provide palliative care, keeping that person comfortable and always acting with high respect. They also help YOU with the emotional turmoil as well as practical issues that are part of this stage of life. Hospice will typically enroll a patient if the doctor indicates end of life will occur within 6 months. That’s a wonderful amount of caring that can be extended if the loved one lingers on.
• Use this time to make pre-arrangements so there is no need for intense decision making when the person passes. In fact, before your loved one gets so ill, it might help you to understand if there is anything s/he prefers. Many people can’t talk about death easily. Let me assure you, talking about it does not make it happen sooner.

Keep grounded

• If you have a spiritual connection, relax in it, even if only a moment here and there during the day. As one wise woman said to me when I asked if there were special prayers, “Don’t worry about the words. He knows all the words.” Take some time to complain, to cry, to be angry. It is okay. It is normal.
• If you have some friends, now is the time to call on that friendship.  Not everyday. Not for long hours. But ask for one to bring a home cooked meal, do a run to the grocery store for you, sit with you and have a glass of wine and a hug. If any friends are very special, ask for a relief hour so you can go get a haircut or gas up the car or just drive over to the park to watch the sun set. If you are used to doing for others, it may be hard to ask for help. Don’t be concerned; the time will come later on to help others again. Now it’s time to let others love you.
• Take care of yourself. If you are not eating well and not getting enough sleep, you too will get sick. Your immune system is already being attacked because of the stress. This is the time you need to love yourself a bit more.

You know the final day will come. We just don’t know when. Trying to move from a position of pending loss to one of making it the best goodbye you can will give you more peace than you can ever imagine. Hugs.

 

Building Anticipation

I have been planning trips for so long that I even began to offer my services as a business venture. My custom trip planning blog was full of stories of our own adventures as well as ways to customize a trip so you have something very special to experience. No one hired me for several years, so I took a step back. That was when a friend asked me to plan a trip for him. LOL Funny

Planning a trip can take hours and hours to discover opportunities to explore a place that matches with your interests and I often told people I had twice as much fun as everyone else because I explored in front of the computer and then in person on the ground.

But in the past few years I also noticed that that wonderful feeling of excitement that I used to get heading out on a trip as a kid was no longer there. Perhaps so much prep eliminated the wonder?

So, here I am beginning to feel that old excitement. In a couple of days I will hit the road, so to speak, on my way to a week in India with my daughter Lisa. 

She found this wonderful travel bargain for an 8 day tour including entry into places, airfare, hotel and most meals for less than the cost of a roundtrip airfare! (More on how to get bargains here)

Although I have read about the places we are going to see, I have not done the level of research I typically do, relying on the travel agency.  So, there is a lot of mystery ahead….bring it on!!!