Listen to Your Body

Yes, I admit I was concerned ….. at the beginning…..that it was cancer.

About twenty years ago, when I had a small child and a husband who had been diagnosed with an incurable brain cancer, I told my doctor if the pain in my leg was cancer, just amputate it now. I didn’t have the time or energy to fight it. He assured me (well, he used these words but assurance is too strong a word) that there is only one cancer permitted per family.

I had noticed a tender spot while shaving my leg. The resident who preceded the doctor told me not to press the spot. I informed her that my duty was to help train her and that was the “B” answer.

The doctor suggested it was a deep varicose vein and not to worry about it. He did no tests.

I can’t say I “worried” about it, but as it periodically would throb a bit, I would be reminded once again that something was not normal.

Ten years later, life having moved me on to becoming a widow and then a new bride, I approached a new doctor in West Virginia with the issue. He sent me to get an ultrasound to check out the varicose vein hypothesis. Proven false, he then opined it was a torn muscle. How the muscle tore and why it wasn’t healed after ten years was not answered.

So, another ten years and here I am.

Having paid my maximum out of pocket for my health insurance earlier this year, I am taking care of a number of issues right now with the right hip surgery and both eyes’ cataract surgeries scheduled before the end of the year. And yes, it was time to get this “thing” diagnosed and treated.

By this time the periodic throbbing actually woke me up out of sound sleep. On a scale of 1-10 it was an 8 at least. Thank goodness the spasms were short lived and periodic. Otherwise, I would have checked it out earlier, budget be damned.  So my PCP send me for an MRI and with the radiology report supporting my belief that there was “something in there” I then went to a general surgeon here in McMinnville.

He could not feel the little nodule. I offered to put my finger on it and he could draw a circle around my finger but he wanted to do it his way. Poke poke poke with active and increasingly loud confirmation by me when he hit the spot.

He told me there were about six in there and we scheduled an in-office procedure to remove the buggers. He believed they were subcutaneous cysts just below the skin and not in the muscle. Simple to remove.

I SHOULD have taken a photo of them, as of course I requested seeing what they looked like. Perhaps the more squeamish of you are glad I did not grab that opportunity. Suffice it to say that there were about 5 or 6 very small round pale tan nodules, each about .5 cm in size.  He slapped a bandage on me, restricted me from the hot tub and pool exercise class for 2 weeks while the wound healed, and told me to come back then. Stitches dissolved but I discovered whatever tape they used to cover the bandage has an adhesive that made me very itchy.  One more exciting allergy to add to my list. (The bandage adhesive I have had for my knee and hip surgery did not bother me…so different tape was used. Thank goodness for different tape!)

Anyway, we know I tend to do things that other people never experience. Such was the confirmation from the biopsy.  They were glomus tumors. Most people get them in their hands, sometimes under the fingernails. They usually present in young adults (well, I WAS 20 years younger when it presented, within the typical age group). And they account for about 1% of all soft tissue tumors.  Yeah me!

And, it is not cancer. Continuing to breathe.

So, my point? Know you body. Listen to your body. You are the only one who knows what feels normal and what is not a regular sensation. If your doctor pooh poohs you, find another doctor to get a second opinion. In my case, it took four doctors who did not know but one who could at least move us forward to the information stage.

Be proactive with your aches and pains. Catch things when they are smaller….no  matter the fear of what it could be…..better to catch it sooner than later.

Oh……the funniest thing the surgeon said?  “You are going to have a small scar.” Okay, two stitches compared to my two back surgeries, C-section, knee replacement, left hip replacement, pending right knee replacement and my first scar: my right elbow from 5 stitches used when I had a bike accident when I was 9 years old. At this point in my life,  who cares????!!!

Advertisement

You DO have time….you have today.

In the past seven years I have really been involved in the local farm-to-table food movement. I urge people to cook from whole foods. They will enjoy the flavor so much more and they can control ingredients, getting away from preservatives that very well could be influencing your health.  But all too many people have the same answer: “I don’t have time to cook.”

Years ago I was ecstatic that my oldest son’s elementary school offered a parenting course when he was in 1st grade. STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) helped me recognize nonverbal signs when things were heading south in the kids’ behavior or my own response. I learned to stop things from escalating out of control and how to talk in a way that taught and provided discipline instead of punishment. I helped my kids learn to take responsibility for their actions and how to communicate their feelings, especially when their emotions were roiled up. And it seemed to have worked, because even if the three of them are not perfect by any means, they are wonderful active adults contributing to their communities. I have suggested this course or some other to many friends who are frustrated by their children’s behavior, since it really helped us.  But all too many people have the same answer: “I don’t have time for a 10-week seminar, one hour a week.”

Each of us makes choices, many of them, every single day. We decide simple things, like what to eat for breakfast and what to wear. And we decide harder things, like identifying the goal of the day.

Some of us are planners; we think about what we want/need to do and figure out the various ways to achieve that with all their pros and cons. Some of us never plan; we are reactors. We respond to things that go on around us. And much of the time we are surprised and maybe a little bit (or more) angry because things are not always the way we want it.

 

I want to share with you the story of one woman I never got to know until after I moved from West Virginia. Having common friends, her comments on Facebook resonated with me in many ways. A few issues were not in agreement and it was in private conversation that I learned that this woman understood her position. That nothing about her was merely reactive.

Until the shit hit the fan. Already a breast cancer survivor, you would agree with me that that should be all Paige should have had to deal with, but no. Her beloved husband collapsed with a brain aneurysm and she had to explain to their two young daughters that Daddy was never coming home. You might agree with me that that is more than any woman should need to deal with in her life.

Source: Paige M – too long ago

But no, still more. The cancer was back and fully metastasized throughout her body. Paige, above all else, is a realist. She understands there is not much time left.

source: Paige M December 2017

The pain of knowing she will not see her daughters graduate gets eased for minutes as she makes memories with them. She’s getting things in place, knowing they will be well loved by others to reach their goals, but it is not enough. There is not enough time left.

And then she posted this photo, and I looked at her…..and I see it. Life. In the moment. Participating. Grabbing all of it. Pain. Joy. Achievement. Struggle.

source: Herald Dispatch

So please please please look at your own life. Are you living? Go. Do.     You DO have time….you have today.